If Leaders Would Just Be Nice:

An Editorial Written by Rosemary Marks DiMonte an Executive Coach and Organization Development Consultant who coaches leaders from the CEO level to the frontline supervisor level and developer of  the Manager/Leader Continuum™, an assessment tool for development and growth.

My observation is this: While the best leaders are almost always smart, they are more frequently known as “the best leaders” for characteristics that have less to do with business acumen and more to do with being nice.  This is not to say that being smart and strategic are not important; it goes without saying these attributes are critical.

As a consultant to hundreds of organizations I have met many, many nice leaders.  The mean leaders have been few and far between.  The title of this article is not to imply that most leaders are not nice.  It’s to remind those of us who are leaders that something so simple as being nice goes a long way. 

Think about it --- most of us need to like a person in order to respect him or her.  And, leaders who are respected get a lot more accomplished than leaders who are not respected.  We all know that a gentle and consistent push forward works better than blunt criticism and driving force.  When people feel respected and appreciated, supported and believed in, they will do just about anything to please their leader.  Believing in a person as a leader is tied not only to the leader’s success, but tightly woven to the degree we like and respect the leader as a human being.

Who are your life mentors, the ones who have shaped your greatest lessons?  How many of them were among many things simply “nice people?”  What did you learn from them that you have adapted into your own style and way of interacting with others?

In the past decade an emphasis on EQ, leading with soul, building corporations with spirit, the Ying and Yang of business culture and other related topics have made many of us more introspective and aware of the roles and responsibilities of leaders.  Our country’s recent focus on business ethics and integrity and the downfall related to the absence of these has been a harsh awakening affecting virtually every one ---either directly (in our companies) or indirectly  (in our investments).  We are more aware of values and the importance of conscientiously living and working by them.

When we assess and coach leaders, we look at them from three viewpoints:  Business Acumen, People Management and Leadership.  Our observation has been that peers and direct reports of leaders put the most weight on the following competency areas when rating others: 

• Interpersonal effectiveness
• Ability to be a team player
• Communication
• Relationship building
• Humility
• Honesty
• Optimism

When these attributes are rated lower than other competencies, we know there is an issue around the basic ability of being nice that needs to be addressed in order for the leader to be fully successful.

So, here are some coaching points on being nice that we work on with those who need to develop in this area.  Most will be reminders of what you already do.  Some will remind you of things you may have stopped doing. 

1.     Always greet others in passing or entering and say goodbye upon leaving.

2.     Know peoples’ names and use them.

3.     Take an interest in your staff’s families; inquire about their lives and stay current.

4.     Congratulate them publicly on their individual accomplishments --- both professional and personal.  (Don’t mention your own accomplishments.)

5.     If there is bad news to share, do it directly, use your voice not the voice of others.

6.     Make people whole --- don’t let any one leave your organization or team feeling as though he/she has been taken advantage of or treated unfairly.

7.     Be sensitive and knowledgeable about cultural differences and never assume that all people are the same; equal “yes” the same “no.”

8.     Assume the best intentions in others.  Tell yourself a positive story about situations before telling yourself a negative story.  Let the positive story shape your emotions and actions that follow.

9.     Make others feel special.  Make them feel welcomed and comfortable in your setting.

10.  Stay in touch with people – when they call you, return their call. Initiate contact through personal notes and letters.  Refer others to them when there is possible benefit to introductions.

Live each day as a leader who is building his/her reputation and leaving a legacy.  Honor the mark you are able to make on others and teach them important lessons on how to treat others, build and form long-term relationships and be committed to longer-term views of success through people, with people who trust you and like you because you are (among many things) . . . nice.

Rosemary Marks Charny, is Principal of Red Rooster Consulting, Inc., which is an Organization Development practice.  A major service is assessment and coaching of managers, leaders, high potentials and high performers.  Located in Evanston, Illinois www.redrooster.net