Modify a Behavior in 28 Days
by Rosemary Marks DiMonte
Executive Principal & Founder
Red Rooster Consulting, Inc.
Development experts are proposing that you can modify a behavior in 28 days if you are tenacious in your efforts.
If you’ve gotten feedback that you need to be a better listener, or build your team more effectively, or develop others, or recognize others’ achievement, or include others in decision making, or anything that starts with “You need to get better at . . .” you can take action on that feedback and modify the behavior starting today. And, if you believe there is validity to what others perceive about you, you want to change and are willing to put forth some effort, the only question is: Can you commit to 28 days of trying? Really trying hard that is.
If the answer is “yes,” here’s what you do
Identify the development area you want to modify. A behavior is a response or reaction to a set of circumstances like an event, a particular person or other dynamics. Choose one behavior you want to modify.
Confirm with someone who you trust! That is, someone you trust to give you honest feedback. Remember that some individuals because of their relationship to you will feel uncomfortable confirming your development needs in a one-on-one discussion. So, don’t go to your direct reports, your spouse, or your best friend for confirmation. Instead, go to someone a level above you --- a manager or mentor, coach or other who you know and who has many opportunities to see you in action daily.
List all the examples, instances and specific feedback you have gotten on this development need. This is called “holding up the mirror.” Recall, no matter how painful, the feedback you have received.
Analyze when, why and who seems to draw out this behavior. Ask yourself: what are the circumstances, people, events that seem to ignite this behavior? Knowing where the landmines are helps you to avoid them. It also prepares you for the times they can’t be avoided.
Stop analyzing the old behavior and start visioning the desired new behavior. What would it look like if you never did this again? What does the new desired behavior look like? When you think of your professional and personal life, what would be the positive outcomes of your modified behavior?
Now, go to your calendar and identify specific events, discussions, meetings, projects, or anything (think of personal life, too!) where or when you intend to use this behavior the way you dream of using it. Remember --- we said, “. . . you can modify a behavior in 28 days if you are tenacious in your efforts.” Here’s the challenge: Between day 1 and day 28 --- you have to find 100 events in which to practice the new behavior!
Create a log like the one below to self-assess following each of the 100 “events to demonstrate.” Now, do it!
Desired Modified Behavior:
Waiting until others have finished speaking before sharing my opinion.
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Event to Demonstrate
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Who witnessed it?
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How did I do?
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Date
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After one week, go to the 3 - 5 people with whom you have interacted the most on this behavior. Those who may have been uncomfortable pointing out a development need one-on-one will be more at ease giving you feedback on development areas you have confirmed and are taking action to modify. Say to them: “For the past 7 days I have worked hard to get better at X. Feedback in the past has been that I . . .” Then ask, “Do you recall my doing something differently than this? If so, could you pat me on the back a little, I worked really hard. If not, could you please --- carefully --- give me advice on how to do it better.” Do this at the end of two weeks, three weeks and at the 28-day mark, as well!
Well, that’s it --- 28 days, 100 tenacious tries and you should see marked improvement. Let us know how you do. We’re interested.
Good luck!
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